The Big Decision

I hate uncertainty.  I hate indecision even more.  I’m a type-A personality and I like to have a plan and know what to expect.  I like to make a decision and move ahead, no looking back.  Unfortunately, certainty and decisiveness are just a couple more of the seldom names casualties of COVID-19.  And this is where I find myself today.  School this fall is a huge question mark looming over my head these days.

I have an online shopping cart full of school supplies from the various teacher lists.  I have a virtual cart full of uniforms.  I have another cart of homeschool materials to supplement my supply of curriculum that would round out a year for all the girls. The problem is, I just don’t know which cart to check out.

I’m finally holding our school reopening plan, with the option of 5 half days of school a week (virus-permitting), or 100% e-learning.  For months I’ve been wondering if a socially distanced, mask wearing, sterile environment is where I want my kids to spend the fall (and winter....and if I’m being honest, probably the spring too...).  However, based on our experiences last spring, e-learning was wrought with frustration and busy work for the youngest elementary kids.  The school reopening document lays out the plans for the school day, safety, quarantine protocols and more.  But, there are a million unanswered questions.

• Can they keep my kids safe? 
• Do we really know the risk level to kids since they’ve all been stuck home since March?
• Will parents give their  kids a dose of acetaminophen so they pass the temp check in the morning because they have to get to work and have no other options?
• Do I trust our community to lower (and keep low) the spread of COVID so our kids can return to the classroom with some sense of safety?
• What happens if their teacher has to quarantine?
• How long until everyone is e-schooling due to exposure or closure anyway?
• How do we quarantine an exposed child at home and keep the rest of the family safe?
• Is staying 6 feet from everyone a positive beginning to kindergarten and formal education?
• Is only knowing teachers and classmates through a computer screen any better?
• Is this the year to pull out and homeschool, if not for safety, then for consistency?

I could add bullet points forever. There are so many more questions than answers.  Unfortunately, most of them don’t have answers.  Because of this, I feel paralyzed.  I need to make some decisions.  I need to notify the school of our chosen learning path for our kids.  Or perhaps of our decision to make our own path this year.  I need to release an order to at least one of those virtual shopping carts and start to prepare, backpacks or bookshelves, for this coming academic year.  

And this is how I find myself, stuck with uncertainty.  I know that none of this year’s options are perfect.  I know that only we can decide what is best for our family.  I just wish I knew which path that was.